Helping Your Recipient Find a Kidney If You Can't Donate

Practical Steps and Inspiring Stories to Guide Your Search for a Donor

Watch a recording of the webinar.

At NKDO, we understand the heartbreak of wanting to donate a kidney to a loved one only to discover you’re not medically eligible. But as NKDO Executive Director Lisa Emmott says, “You don’t have to donate a kidney to make a difference.”

In a recent NKDO Engage webinar, Lisa and two other “donor champions” shared how they helped their loved ones find a kidney donor, even after being ruled out themselves. Alongside Dr. Amanda Leonberg-Yoo, a nephrologist from Penn Transplant Institute, they shared their experiences, offering hope and practical advice for anyone facing a similar challenge.

Medical Eligibility: The First Step

We heard first from Dr. Leonberg-Yoo, who explained that a donor evaluation is a detailed process. The goal is to ensure donating a kidney is safe for the donor. If you’re ruled out for medical reasons, it’s natural to feel discouraged, but it’s not the end of the journey. Dr. Leonberg-Yoo suggests:

• Follow up with your personal care doctor about any health issues discovered during your evaluation.
• Focus on improving your health—you might be able to donate later.
• Share your story to raise awareness and inspire others to step forward.

Even if you can’t donate, you can still make a difference by educating others about kidney donation.

Lessons in Hope: How Three People Helped Their Loved Ones Find a Donor

Our webinar spotlighted three inspiring women—Tammy Mayer, Donna Viau, and Lisa Emmott—who were determined to be their loved one’s kidney donor. Devastated to learn they were medically ineligible to donate, they didn’t give up. Their stories offer powerful lessons for anyone who wants to help find a donor, even if they can’t donate themselves:

• Be Your Loved One’s Champion: People with end-stage kidney disease often lack the physical energy or emotional bandwidth to lead their search for a donor. It may feel daunting, but you can step in to share their story and rally others to help.
• Start Early: If possible, research transplant centers and donor options before your loved one’s health becomes critical.
• Share Your Loved One’s Story—and Yours: Be vocal about your loved one’s need for a kidney—even if it pushes you outside your comfort zone. Share how their illness affects your family. Let people know that you planned to be their donor but were medically ineligible. Asking for help requires courage and vulnerability, but it can inspire others to step forward.
• Use Every Tool Available: Reach potential donors through Facebook and other social media, local news, and school, church and community groups. Create a donor search website (check out the National Kidney Registry’s microsites program)—and spread it far and wide. Carry flyers to hand out or post wherever you go.
• Get Creative: Your message could reach your loved one’s donor when you least expect it. Try car magnets, bumper stickers, business cards, even t-shirts and sandwich boards with your donor search website and QR code.
• Be Relentless, Be Hopeful: You may need to reach thousands with your story, but remember, it only takes one person to say yes.
• Don’t Stop Too Soon: Potential donors are sometimes ruled out late in their evaluation process, so don’t stop sharing your story until the transplant happens.
• Learn About Options: A potential donor does not need to be a blood type match with your loved one, thanks to voucher and paired exchange If a donor candidate is approved but isn’t a match, they can donate on behalf of your loved one and save multiple lives.

Real Stories of Persistence and Hope

Our webinar’s three donor champions all emphasized that it takes persistence, courage, and community engagement to find a donor, but it’s worth every effort. Here’s a snapshot of their stories:

Tammy Mayer: “A Kidney4Oliver”

Tammy’s son Oliver was diagnosed with kidney failure as a child. By the time Oliver reached 20, he needed a transplant. When Tammy and her husband found out they were both medically ineligible to donate, it was an unexpected blow. “I placed my trust in God and we committed to doing everything in our power to help Ollie find his donor,” Tammy said.

They shared Ollie’s story via a National Kidney Registry microsite, posted widely on social media, and sent hundreds of emails to friends and family. They even organized a community event where Oliver threw the first pitch at a minor league baseball game, with a jumbotron message encouraging fans to visit his website. Their efforts led to a donor—a member of their church congregation—who gave Oliver the life-sustaining gift of a kidney. Today, two years post-transplant, Oliver is thriving.

Donna Viau: “We Never Gave Up”

Donna’s son Greer was just 25 when he unexpectedly faced kidney failure. After she, her husband and their younger son were ruled out as donors, the family threw themselves into advocacy, using social media and creating an NKR microsite. They handed out flyers, car magnets and bumper stickers with the link to Greer’s website. “We were absolutely relentless,” Donna said.

Through these efforts, over 60 people came forward to begin the evaluation process. Ultimately, one woman from Maine—a mother of three who felt a “heart tug” after seeing one of Donna’s social media posts, became Greer’s donor. In September 2023, Greer received his life-saving kidney.

Lisa Emmott: “Be Fierce in Your Search for a Living Donor”

In 2001, Lisa and her husband, Neil, got the unexpected news that he had polycystic kidney disease. For 15 years, the family watched his health deteriorate to the point where a transplant was his best option for survival. Neil’s brother, who was willing to donate, was ruled out due to a minor heart condition. Lisa, young and healthy, was also disqualified due to a previously undiagnosed kidney condition. Despite these setbacks, Lisa refused to give up and took charge of finding another donor.

She began sharing their story, speaking at local community events, putting flyers in coffee shops, posting on social media. Lisa urges families to share their donor search story “anywhere and everywhere.” Eventually her persistence paid off when two teachers from the school where she worked stepped forward to be tested, both eventually receiving approval to donate. Though neither was compatible with Neil, both were entered into the National Kidney Registry on his behalf and participated in donation chains that resulted in 8 transplants, including Neil’s.

Seven years later, the Emmott family is going strong. “The best gift I’ve never laid eyes on keeps my husband and our daughters’ father alive,”  she said.

Final Thought: You Are Helping Keep Families Whole

Sharing your loved one’s story and staying hopeful can truly change lives. Even if you’re not eligible to donate, your efforts can still play a crucial role in helping your loved one find their donor.

Remember, living kidney donation is more than just a medical procedure—it’s a lifeline that transforms the recipient’s health and keeps families whole. The relief and joy that come from finding a donor ripple through everyone who cares for that person, creating a profound impact on families, friends and communities. Your advocacy can make a world of difference. 

Watch a recording of the webinar. 

NKDO is thankful for a generous grant from Sanofi, who helped make NKDO Engage educational webinars possible.